In an unresolved dispute, don’t shout if older generation imposes their views

In all spheres, compromise is often the way to resolve differences. This holds true in marriage and business and other personal activities one engages in with other people. There can be disputes amongst neighbors over trees overhanging a property or of roots coming into the adjoining property cracking the foundation.

All these events have to be resolved amicably if we are to get along with people we may not necessarily like. It is very rare that we can get our way all the time. The ultimate test is in a marriage where a huge amount of tolerance, understanding and compromise is required between two parties for it to be successful.

It is a fact that young people often wish to impose their will, and when they do not get their own way start physically abusing or verbally scolding others. This is especially common in Sri Lanka. The young person does not realize that this behavior is actually counterproductive. It is best to calm down bite your tongue literally and go about your business and then you may see sense. So patience here is a virtue and patience is something learned from practice rather than something others can teach. It is important therefore that young people get sufficient practice in interacting with others, so they mature early to handle rough situations and instances where their anger is easily aroused. That is where sport is a great leveler and enabler of compromise, tactics and thinking.

Due to intransigence of youth, they somehow create a fight and then do not resolve the differences. It is left for an older person to settle the dispute. I believe it is time that the young person knows to resolve his own problems and not wait for an older person to come and impose solutions, because the youth have not been able to resolve them. It creates dissatisfaction, and in order to avoid matters coming to a head, it is always advisable for youth to know how to sort out their own affairs amicably or at least peaceably at the start.

In the Sri Lankan context, this dispute resolution by fighting, which then ends up being a brawl, and often in death is a habit that has to stop at some point. Often both parties in the brawl are incarcerated in the same jail cell by the local police, where they have to get on, and if not, will suffer further indignities in front of other remand prisoners, which is a face saving ploy for them to hold their fire!

Distrust often without any rational reason but possibly by gossip, which bears no basis in fact is at the heart of much of the fights of young people to achieve their objectives. It is best to try and resolve them by face to face calm resolutions, a tall order, but a worthwhile first effort in resolving disputes.